Raising the Digitally Literate Teen

The dangers of social media are well-established. We fear the anxiety and depression that may result from too many upward comparisons or exposure to cyberbullying. Jonathan Haidt, author of The Anxious Generation- How the Great Rewiring of Childhood is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness, is popping up on talk shows left and right urging parents to withhold smartphones until their child is 14. And while some parents may find peace by simply denying their child access to social media, complete avoidance may not be an option for most. I am a firm believer that once we’ve identified a challenge teens (and their parents) are facing, we have to swiftly move from hand-wringing to practical, feasible recommendations that can improve a family’s quality of life. Let’s discuss digital literacy and promoting SMART social media use!

Instead of asking, “should my teen be allowed on Instagram?” let’s answer the question, “How can I support responsible, smart social media use?”

The short answer: talk to them! At the core of a strong, trusting relationship between parent and child is developmentally appropriate, open communication. In the same way that we open dialogues on the topic of puberty, safe sex, stranger danger, and the like, we can begin to talk about digital literacy and safe social media use early and often. Early because ideally, this dialogue should begin before your child is exposed to social media (or as early as is feasible), and often because one conversation will not suffice. Here are a few key points that these conversations should include:

• Social media platforms are teeming with misinformation and disinformation. Teach your teenager how to spot these types of posts, how to check the source of a particular piece of information, and how to confirm that source is a reliable one. It is also important to remember that adults are just as susceptible to misinformation online as teenagers. This is a wonderful opportunity to talk about your own experience learning to spot untruths or unreliable sources, and to learn alongside your teenager. Try completing the News Literacy Project’s “Is it legit?” quiz together. Ask your teenager what kinds of misinformation they think they may have already encountered, and how they handled it. You can also discuss whether your teen has helped any of his or her friends discern the trustworthiness of information online.

• Mindful, interactive social media use is best, since the most beneficial social media engagement involves social support, online companionship, and healthy socialization. Mindful use can mean many different things, including setting time limits or specific times to scroll or pausing during social media use to check in with yourself. To promote smart social media use, it’s also important to discuss the red flags that could indicate problematic use. These include the inability to stop using social media even when you want to, going to great lengths or lying to avoid having to log off, or having a hard time keeping up with responsibilities like school work, chores, or even friendships. Let your teen know you’ll check back in on these red flags periodically, and that you are there to help (rather than punish) should they notice any of these concerning behaviors.

• Encourage your teen—and model with your own behavior—honest and accurate self-depiction. With the freedom and anonymity that the internet has offered us all, it can be tempting to change some details (both in description and now, thanks to AI, in appearance). Safe social media use hinges on the individual maintaining values both on and off screen. This is also a great time to bring up what a “like” means. Dr. Mitch Prinstein, Chief Science Officer (and fellow University of Miami alum) of the American Psychological Association, points out that studies show we are more likely to believe a post with more likes. It is important to remind teens that “likes” don’t always signify agreement, and that we often “like” posts to be polite.

• Talk about cyberbullying, online hate, and the inherent racism that is baked into algorithms on social media platforms. Several studies demonstrate clear links between exposure to racist, violent, and/or homophobic content on social media and poor mental health outcomes. Ask your teenager what their experience has been with hateful content on social media, and ask how it has made them feel. Provide a safe space for them to return to you if they experience cyberbullying, or if the algorithm takes them down a rabbit hole (of which there are many, often leading to racist ends). Here, it is important to be nonreactive. We can all relate to the inner voice that might be screaming “you were looking at WHAT?” but keep in mind that to reinforce openness, your best bet is staying calm (try “tell me more about that,” or “how was this making you feel?”).

• Ask about what sort of content your teen is most often viewing (“What kind of stuff comes up on your For You page?”). This is an opportunity to share in their interests, or even share a laugh. Ask how any of this content makes them feel. For example, perhaps your teen is viewing makeup tutorials frequently. When queried, your teen states that the videos are interesting and teach new techniques, but sometimes make him or her feel bad about appearance. Here, you can talk about comparisons (including how normal they are, and how we cannot accurately compare ourselves to someone online), or filters and AI.

• Most importantly, remind your teen that you are there to support and guide them. Strike a balance between appropriate parental oversight and developmentally normal privacy. Be open to listening without judgment, and work on problem-solving together if your teen begins to struggle.

This seems like a lot of information, right? It cannot effectively be communicated in one conversation alone.  Start the digital literacy conversation now, and aim to hit the first two points at most. In a few days, revisit the discussion of digital literacy and try to get through a few more items. The beauty of revisiting this conversation time and again is that it normalizes the topic of conversation for your teen, making them more likely to come to you with their own insights and experiences. If this task feels too daunting, or if you’re already noticing some of the red flags for problematic social media use, or other signs of anxiety or depression, help is just a few clicks away.